US Embassy spokesman to speak in Granada today

Submitted by tacomasteve on 1 June, 2007 - 09:21.

The Consul General from the U.S. Embassy will speak today, 6-1-07 at the swanky Jockey Club at one o clock....He is going to address the safety and security issues for us gringos in country..

[I closed this forum to comments because it got way off topic which is a nice way of describing it. I could had started deleting comments but they I would be a censor or ignored it and got yelled at for allowing BS here or ... . Anyway, closing comments is actually the easiest and I have more important things to do.]

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So I am guessing...

Submitted by thunderdial on 2 June, 2007 - 11:23.

Since there is no update yet, I am assuming that the suit was just parroting the warden's recent message for rich people who can't read.

Can't say for sure

Submitted by tacomasteve on 2 June, 2007 - 12:09.

I was way laid at the last minute by my dislike of country clubs and government spokespeople...but word on the street says it was basically a lesson in how to stay safe....maybe a coincidence but the popular ex pat hang out the El Quiote was shut down by the police yesterday. Such a sad sight to see all the thirsty gringos standing lost and locked out on the street

shut, so they'd go to the country club?

Submitted by arlington on 2 June, 2007 - 13:06.

shut, so they'd go to the country club? Is this the reason or was there something else?

oh no....

Submitted by tacomasteve on 2 June, 2007 - 13:55.

It was a paperwork thing that shut them down. I was there nursing a club soda when two erstwhile young cops came in and asked to see a specific document, when Terry couldn't find a 2007 copy, they closed the doors

Terry is back?

Submitted by arlington on 2 June, 2007 - 14:22.

I thought they had both left for the US. I hope that mean all is well.

the girls are still in the states

Submitted by tacomasteve on 2 June, 2007 - 14:30.

Keith has another gringo couple running the bar and I am bad with names...

The report is in...

Submitted by thunderdial on 1 June, 2007 - 17:48.

Welcome, gentlemen. Please, make yourselves comfortable. I'm afraid Mei-Ling is picking out china patterns or planning a bridal shower or some such matrimonial matter this evening. Please feel free to avail yourself of coffee, cigars, cognac.

We have unusually unpleasant business to discuss, and I don't think a drop or two would be amiss. I'm pleased to say that everyone here can hold their liquor as well as they can their secrets.

I know these past few weeks have been difficult, dealing with this Johannesburg situation while Internal Security dogged our every move, but every one of you has been cleared. Spare me the looks, people, you heard me. Forbish is not the security leak inside the Department.

Pierre! Pierre, man. I know your history with Forbish, but if you do not take that knife away from Forbish's throat, I swear to God I will have you shot! And if you don't think I'd condone the killing of a man in a wheelchair, then you must have forgotten the many times I ordered you to do so!

Good man, Pierre. Good man. Give him some brandy, someone. And don't you start back in on him, Forbish. If he's willing to slit your throat, it simply means you've done a brilliant job as a decoy and magnet for suspicion.

I'm sorry I had to ask you to do that.

But hear me, gentlemen: Everyone here can be trusted. And we all must work together for the next few days, and work feverishly, if we are to prevent any further damage to the Department. All other assignments are now tertiary to what we're about to undertake. For the news is worse than I could have believed.

Gentlemen, we must operate under the assumption that Mei-Ling's beloved fiancé is in fact our adversary—my estranged and devious half brother, the infamous Paladiev.

For God's sake, someone say something. You are all mooning like poleaxed calves.

How do you think I feel? My avuncular fondness for her is no great secret, and for the first time, I saw her happy. Not merely content in her duty, or experiencing professional satisfaction, but happy. The man checked out instantly. Which, perhaps, should have made me suspicious but, well, you saw how she was.

Last year, Zurich's top man in clandestine cosmetic DNA–reassignment surgery was found decapitated in an Amsterdam whorehouse. Thanks to luck and the best scent-hounds in Europe, the Department found his head and was able to perform quasi-revivification for long enough to extract information from his mostly intact braincase. We discovered that the surgeon had recently performed a total facial reconstruction and genome transfer on a man who fits, within one decimal point, the exact genetic code of my brilliant semi-kin.

Two weeks later, Mei-Ling met the man we then knew only as "Seth."

My God, men, she's been this department's right hand since I found her on the streets of Shenzhen in 1992, at the age of 11! I thought she deserved whatever support we could give her. I can only blame myself for relaxing our strict policy of having the romantic partners of Departmental staffers liquidated after six months.

Which is why Mr. Bisson is here. Some of you know Mr. Bisson, and I'm sorry you have to see him again. His specialty has become less common since the heady 1970s, but his services are still quite useful to us.

We have three weeks until the wedding. In that time, we will support Bisson's effort to carry out a calculated, whirlwind seduction-and-assassination assignment. Of course, this is why the Department's in-house chef and pheromone expert are both here. They both owe me many favors. But no one outside this room is to know. Least of all Mei-Ling herself.

Bisson, you have your assignment. I have faith in your, shall I say, unorthodox skills and experience. It's said that the Japanese and Brazilian artists who trained you in the craft of physical love retired after you completed your tutelage, and that the Russians who schooled you in the methodology of murder fear no one but yourself.

But exercise caution when bedding Paladiev. You may be the world's most seductive catamite assassin, but I daresay his guard is never down at any moment. Not for one moment whatsoever.

And I warn you, Mr. Bisson: If Mei-Ling is hurt, hurt in any manner or fashion.... I'm glad we understand each other.

Now, gentlemen, to work! We have a wedding of sorts to plan.

one of the nice things about cable TV ....

Submitted by Jinoturistica on 1 June, 2007 - 22:20.

... is that when I want professional comedy I can tune in and when its garbage I can switch to something else.

Thunderdial, you are garbage. Waste of space.

Tony X Robins, Jinotega

Thunderdial

Submitted by markwayne on 2 June, 2007 - 00:04.

Thunderdial is perhaps one of the most experienced people on this forum. He has lived, loved ..seriously lived the life and been a part of Nicaraugua more than perhaps 40-100 new members on this site combined and of the many great people on this site he has a very great sense of humor (perhaps not understood by all..but than again that is a personal thing..like comedy).

I really respect and admire both of you! Truley

Tony..I dont know if you have ever seen the Oliver Stone movie "Salvador" (great central American movie)? Thunderdial does cut a bit of the figure James Woods played in the movie...perhaps he was the original..he has got "edge"

In any event if "push ever came to shove" Thunderdial would have the exerience to offer good advice..for this I respect him.

Thanks Markwayne.

Submitted by thunderdial on 2 June, 2007 - 09:36.

Thanks Markwayne.

...references please

Submitted by Jinoturistica on 2 June, 2007 - 09:07.

Mark,

On your recommendation I went and read thunderdials profile and all his personal blogs. If he has experience of Nicaragua to offer then maybe he needs to actually offer it. The evidence tends to point in a different direction

example 1

How come everything isn't fixed yet?

Submitted by thunderdial on 19 November, 2006 - 17:19.

Has Ortega taken the big boy's seat yet? I better see some damn jobs
and some doritos pronto.


As anyone with Nicaraguan knowledge would have known, the inauguration would take place 2 months after Thunderdials post.

example 2

Mount Etna is starting to erupt...

Submitted by thunderdial on 29 November, 2006 - 12:12.

Let's hope the eruption is not felt in Nicaragua ;)



Thats an Italian story, zero Nicaraguan content

example 3

. . _ _ . . . . . . _ . . . . . . . _ _ _ _ . . _ _ . . _ _

. . . . . . _ . _ . . . . _ _ . . . . . _

Submitted by thunderdial on 22 February, 2007 - 16:40.


If you could read morse code, you would already know that I have
issued a "Univision Weatherbabe Alert!" There is a new Univision
Weatherbabe, and she looks like the type to bring home
to mother,
yup yup yup...


Univision doesnt originate in Nicaragua. Zero Nicaraguan content.

example

SJDS Guide

Submitted by thunderdial on 3 May, 2007 - 15:20.

Hey, I know it's not the French Quarter, but does anyone have

a guide, or can give some pointers for SJDS, accomodations,
nightlife?



Took me 28 seconds on Google to find http://www.sanjuandelsur.org.ni/ and the question doesn't sound like someone with significant Nicaraguan experience.

In fact, I cannot find ANYTHING by thunderdial to support your thesis that he is a well-spring of knowledge.

Now, its possible, Mark, that YOU are Thunderdial and are just joking around.

Tony X Robins, Jinotega

Tony please

Submitted by nicareal on 2 June, 2007 - 13:21.

get a tune-up for your sense of humor! If you are financially challenged and can not afford to do that, please let me know. We'll take up a collection.

IMHO Thunderdial is one of the few people here that can actually lay claim to having sense of humor. Why is it that you come across like someone that has served in the British Army as a Major in a Regiment stationed in India 50 years ago? Don't get me wrong, I like British humor! It just has to be funny....

Jinotega Sage...The only

Submitted by thunderdial on 2 June, 2007 - 09:50.

Jinotega Sage...

The only thing you are correct about is that I am SJDS ignorant. I have never been there, and was considering visiting next month. I prefer to get insider info here than Google it. Still seriously thinking of passing it by again.

As for experience and effectiveness on the ground, I've been looking for a polite way to say this, and this is the best I can come up with; if you and I were to both take a civil service exam in Nicaragua, they'd drag your sorry ass to Honduras border pronto, where you'd summarily be beaten by dirty children with bamboo sticks clothed in t-shirts depicting American themes, and I'd become "Minister of Cybercafe Cleansing."

thunderdial, you are a genious....

Submitted by Che Guevara on 2 June, 2007 - 12:07.

and i have typed that before......please keep tony busy, i like the banter.

bad news though.......... i was drinking a coke when i read, "if you and I were to both take a civil service exam in Nicaragua, they'd drag your sorry ass to Honduras border pronto, where you'd summarily be beaten by dirty children with bamboo sticks clothed in t-shirts depicting American themes, and I'd become "Minister of Cybercafe Cleansing.".........er, ummmm, how do you get coke out from beneath the keys? the coke came off the screen just fine. dude, coke alert next time, deal?

you can't hold your coke fella

Submitted by arlington on 2 June, 2007 - 13:09.

you can't hold your coke fella. you need a keyboard flexi-protector. You might consider a salad shield.

Deal

Submitted by thunderdial on 2 June, 2007 - 12:12.

Wait, did we just make a coke deal?

jejeje...

Submitted by Jay_D on 2 June, 2007 - 11:14.

Like your thinking Thunderdude...you rock!!

One of the nice things about Cybercafes...

Submitted by thunderdial on 1 June, 2007 - 23:15.

...is that I don't have to go to one.

Jinotega Sage, you are the posterboy for birth control. I've never met someone who hates BOTH of his former countries - I guess it's them, not you, right? Did your parents have any children that lived?

Thunderdial, Los Estados Unidos

ha ha

Submitted by Jinoturistica on 2 June, 2007 - 09:26. 
And this is how you pay me back
For all my kind unselfish, loving deeds
Ha! Well you just wait
They'll find you yet and when they do
They'll put you in the A.S.P.C.A.
You mangy mutt

an obscure musical reference

Submitted by tacomasteve on 2 June, 2007 - 12:04.

worthy of JR himself....

"To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time"....original recording by Napoleon XIV

Nice to run across someone who can use Google.

Submitted by Jinoturistica on 2 June, 2007 - 14:12.

Wouldn't call it obscure - I was 18 when it hit the UK top ten. Could probably do it to karaoke to this day. Wonder if it was ever done in Spanish?

Tony X Robins, Jinotega

Charted at #3 in the USA

Submitted by tacomasteve on 2 June, 2007 - 14:28.

the year I turned 13 and even tho I couldn't dance to it I could relate to it...it's been a staple of the Dr Demento Show ever since

this thread....

Submitted by Che Guevara on 2 June, 2007 - 12:09.

is worthy of the hall of fame.....too funny!

Speaking of mutts - I could

Submitted by thunderdial on 2 June, 2007 - 09:51.

Speaking of mutts - I could have been your father, but the dog beat me over the fence...

Dear son, please eat your grits like a good boy

Submitted by Jinoturistica on 2 June, 2007 - 14:58.

Your mom and I have lost touch over the years. She used to send me your school reports and photos but, well, that all stopped when your adoptive dad found out then we kinda drifted off onto our own paths.

Does she still smoke weed? We used to go up the top of the hill or out to the barn and just get stoned like theres no tommorrow. We'd go on the Harley down to the lake and get naked then lie in the sun glowing with an internal fire from the energy, or possibly the sex, alcohol, or drugs.

Ah the sweet times of youth, how soon they turned into parenthood. I remember her eyes when she told me about what was to become you. She was sad; bitter that her life would be changed forever; she so wanted to be free - to run to Central america, to experience life. She talked earnestly and long about an abortion and even started saving the money. There was this place in Dallas where she could go ... but I told her of the future of the human race, the destiny handed down by our maker, our duty to humanity and the wonderful legacy of our oh so short time together. We both knew that we would not be together long; that outside forces would always be against us. Our heat and our fire was too strong and, well, you are our legacy, son.

Now, 43 years later, and living in a different country, the UK Official Secrets act no longer covers my 5 year career in MI5 although some of the more James Bondish moments are perpetually shrouded. Your mother felt bound by those rules and knew that my identity and indeed my life depended on her silence all these years. I thank her for that and, if she is alive, tell her that she can tell the real story about your British heritage.

On a lighter note, since a DNA test will prove I am your father, you could get a British passport. Give me your address and I'll send a blood sample.

Tony X Robins, Jinotega

That was so sad, considering

Submitted by thunderdial on 2 June, 2007 - 16:43.

That was so sad, considering the effort you put into it. My short stay at Haberdasher's Asks is the only thing British about me, and I have the teeth to prove it.

*

Submitted by cmoore56 on 2 June, 2007 - 16:01.

*

*

Submitted by Che Guevara on 2 June, 2007 - 16:06.

*

Now THAT is funny Tony!

Submitted by nicareal on 2 June, 2007 - 16:33.

*

I love the ocean, the waves, the relentless, restive rhythm

Submitted by Jinoturistica on 2 June, 2007 - 14:37.

... and so it is with our Southern Fried bretheren in Texas and Florida. The personal attacks, the baseless criticism, the negativity and petty jealousy. The overriding anger that, despite all logic, diligence, wishful thinking, planning, cunning and deceit, I live here is this wonderful country and they do not.

Their restless ocean of discontent, constantly, and futilely, pounding on my beach. "let me in, let me in" cry the waves as the gulls circle overhead and my beach, impassive and impervious as ever, smiles back and whispers "To bad, sucker, nice try"

Perhaps, one day, a Tsunami will wash a Cathy or a Thunderdial upon my shore and they will wander dazed and uncertain upon my beach muttering to themselves "I thought I knew this place, but I don't recognize a thing, it's all changed."

I shall gaze at them from above the high-water mark, sip some FDC and wonder why it took them so long to realize that they could have, should have, been here all along. All those years wasted in the Southern flatlands of the USA, working in gray faceless cubicles to pay the car, the mortgage, the a/c bill; desparately struggling day after long arduous day to keep ahead of the mountainous debt to get a mythical retirement in Nicaragua that, if they had opened their minds, had been in their grasp all along.

I sit here as I write this, smiling and idly repeating to myself snippets of thoughts ... retirement ... FDC ... tranquilo ... good coffee ... school buses ... low taxes ... espanol ... eternal springtime ... mountains ... lakes ... ahhhhh, this is indeed the good life.

Come live here. You know its the right thing to do.

Tony X Robins, Jinotega

Ummm....

Submitted by cmoore56 on 2 June, 2007 - 16:03.

Blah blah...blah blah blah blah blah blah...

Ooooohhh!

Submitted by cmoore56 on 2 June, 2007 - 09:38.

Tony, you're so clever....NOT!

You and I may or may not be clever.

Submitted by Jinoturistica on 2 June, 2007 - 13:59.

It is not necessary to be clever to hold and dispense information. What counts here on NL is current, accurate information.

I somehow doubt that an NL reader would consider "Tony, you're so clever....NOT!" to be particularly informative. Indicative of something about the person who said it, perhaps.

Tony X Robins, Jinotega

Again,

Submitted by cmoore56 on 2 June, 2007 - 16:03.

Blah blah...blah blah blah blah blah blah...

Yes, a full report would

Submitted by thunderdial on 1 June, 2007 - 15:56.

Yes, a full report would very much be appreciated.

will he mention the 66% visa fee increases?

Submitted by Jinoturistica on 1 June, 2007 - 13:25.

Can't make it myself but would love a video tape / DVD. Where can I get one?

Tony X Robins, Jinotega

On Americans entering

Submitted by thunderdial on 1 June, 2007 - 15:58.

On Americans entering Nicaragua? OH MY LORD. Oh, on Nicas entering the US? Well, we have expenses and stuff.

a lift?

Submitted by ourman on 1 June, 2007 - 10:18.

Haven't a clue where that is.

As a new(ish) guy in town, without the luxury of transport and having just started Spanish, getting there might be a tricky.

Me and my girlfriend live on Calle Arsenal. Anyone want to offer a lift in return for a drink and our eternal gratitude?

lift now offered

Submitted by ourman on 1 June, 2007 - 10:49.

thanks guys

I'd like to hear a full report NLrs

Submitted by arlington on 1 June, 2007 - 13:25.

I'd like to hear a full report NLrs. I'm curious how the announcement was made (megaphone on a taxi top). The jockey club didn't seem a likely hangout for any expats I've met yet. a little too chic for me.