Custom Search
080304 dying like a nica
Submitted by Jinoturistica on Tue, 2008/03/04 - 11:13.
Then there was the 'American way of death'. White, brightly lit, machines, tubes, strangers, forms, insurance, $15,000 funeral.
Lack of insurance was the straw that broke the camels back. I decided to retire and die in Nicaragua. I failed at both, so far. November 2007, the final diagnosis, cancer on the Liver, 4 fist size modules. My previously smooth belly now feels like the rocky mountains. Inoperable. Chemo only available in Managua, private pay or insurance. Managua is 4 hours each way and no tengo dinero.
I told my doctor that I was OK with death and that miracle solutions, herbals, prayers, were not sought or welcome. Unlike the US doctors, he accepted that I wanted to die like a Nica.
Perhaps I could write a book like Phil did - but that is not my style and who would write the final chapters? Instead, I will put my trials and tribulations right here on NL. I'll try my darndest to add a line each day, when you don't see anything for 3 days ... well, you'll know I'm gone and I will know for certain the answer to the big question.
Mañana
I hope you are...
still with us,
"when you don't see anything for 3 days ... well, you'll know I'm gone and I will know for certain the answer to the big question.",
it's been about 5 days now...I don't like to assume things but....
-Doug
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate
080310 obscure messages
when I asked the doc. how many months, he told my wife in spanish in the hands of god, take one day at a time. x I thought he was being religious, metaphorical. He wasnt. They are stacking the chairs.
we
we are here for you. hang in there! i pray you have medicine for the pain.
when government grows, liberty yields, thomas jefferson
I am really moved by your
I am really moved by your courage, Tony.
Dying like a Nica, as a Nica I feel unworthy of such statement. You are truly a brave man.
No es lo mismo verla venir que platicar con ella.
Please hang in there and stick around as long as you can, will ya? No te vayas, amigo!
Thanks
I have been checking this website for at least three years and would like to thank you and people like you for their varied obsevations about life and nicaragua.
Hope you find peace and know that your words will be rememberd.
David
Prayers may not be sought
but I pray them anyway...prayers of celebration for you, your authentic presence to the people you interact with both in real time and on here, celebration of your life and all you share with us.
I didn't post much after Alan moved on and have stopped almost completely since Bob left us. I did keep coming back to hear the "rants" and words of wisdom from you. Thanks for sharing your real life with us and making part of your extended family.
So sorry
I am so sorry to hear the news. I wish there was something I could do to help. I am sending thoughts of peace and love your way.
080306 simple prescriptions
The Nicaraguan system is a lot simpler, cleaner and starts from a different precept: why bother?
If the patient wants to mess about with their own bodies, what business is it of ours? Prescriptions may not be dated, may be returned to you after being filled, you can change the quantity by discussing with the pharmacist. Mother in law would have had a much easier time, possibly shorter, possibly with a smile on her face. Who is to know?
My doctor wrote 1 prescription for 3 days and that was 3 weeks back. No multiple call-ins, office visits, cheaper, faster.
good point
usa has been more authoritarian with medicine, not a free market in the usa.
when government grows, liberty yields, thomas jefferson
you are part of the solution...
As we move through life we learn, grow and hopefully, evolve. I believe that our soul travels this earth many times, learning and growing, evolving into a more perfect being. We come back to fill the voids in the content of our character, maybe to learn compassion, maybe to learn patients or any of the other components of ‘the perfect being’.
Our journey gains from everything we see, hear , smell or feel, from everyone we come in contact with. We are drawn somehow to those we can either benefit from or they gain from knowing us, hopefully some of both. As such we often cross paths with the same souls repeatedly in our journey, so if you could wear the black Stetson, I want to be sure and find you again. Believe it or not I have gained a lot from you, thank you.
You sir are plucky,
-Doug
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate
"Good Job" SENOR TONY X
Glad to see you told everyone. As I said I hope you will visit the "Inuksuk" shrine I will build often.Your spirit will always be welcome wherever I am. It means 'to act in the capacity of a human.' It is an extension of Inuk, meaning 'a human being'.That you have always been to me-and a rare one at that. I've always liked the Beat poets and I could find no one else who can say it better than the following: I hope it will tickle your funny bone and I am sure you know I mean no disrespect in my irreverence about Death. "Vaya Con Dios , Amigo Mio"
Father Death Blues (Don't Grow Old, Part V)
Hey Father Death, I'm flying home
Hey poor man, you're all alone
Hey old daddy, I know where I'm going
Father Death, Don't cry any more
Mama's there, underneath the floor
Brother Death, please mind the store
Old Aunty Death Don't hide your bones
Old Uncle Death I hear your groans
O Sister Death how sweet your moans
O Children Deaths go breathe your breaths
Sobbing breasts'll ease your Deaths
Pain is gone, tears take the rest
Genius Death your art is done
Lover Death your body's gone
Father Death I'm coming home
Guru Death your words are true
Teacher Death I do thank you
For inspiring me to sing this Blues
Buddha Death, I wake with you
Dharma Death, your mind is new
Sangha Death, we'll work it through
Suffering is what was born
Ignorance made me forlorn
Tearful truths I cannot scorn
Father Breath once more farewell
Birth you gave was no thing ill
My heart is still, as time will tell.
Allen Ginsberg
080305 laz-e-boy's
Last I saw one was in Houston airport. There are probably 4 or 5 in Jinotega. If they were available second hand, they would be expensive, broken, wornout. It is just so easy to bring first world country expectations to Nicaragua. ... and so difficult to import the stuff to make them realistic.
Wendy is a tourist and a real nice person, her heart was in the right place. It was a good chuckle.
Vade in pace -
Tony, we are all distressed (not to mention depressed) about the news, but like se_vnt3 we're glad for the heads up and for the fact that you chose to share this with us. I can say little but repeat charliedawson's post. Like Charlie I had hoped to be able to surprise you some day by walking into the Jinotega Tourist Office and to be able share some FDC together. Everytime I visit www.jinotega.com, I see your reminder, "You're not here yet? Why not?" You can be certain that when I do finally make it to Jinotega, I will often be asking myself, "Damnnit, Tony, why aren't you still here?!" I know you will still be around in spirit, and I will certainly remember your wish for us to visit your grave and "throw a (very short) measure of FDC on the coffin or tombstone." You can rest assured that as long as any of us are around we will will still be thinking about you. Sooner or later all of us will be joining you, HB and MA in that great cyberblogosphere in the sky. I cannot say it any better than Daddy-yo did in his earlier post. May your exit be painless and your journey's end be comfy with Joy and brilliant with the light of Truth. http://www.nicaliving.com/node/10789
The Road we must all Travel at Some point..
Im sorry to hear that you are sick and hope for a miracle.And I hope you are not in too much physical pain..Try to eat as much Fresh Seafood Shrimp and Fish that you can..Run Down and Seafood Broths are excellent..It will give you Strength..That Medicine saved me more than once on the Atlantic Coast..
I thought I sensed an
I thought I sensed an urgency in your posts of late, and I would often think that something like that was happening. But then you would make another post that made me think, "no that's not it". Still, the thoughts lingered, especially after your latest post (prior to this one). I fought the urge to ask if something was going on, knowing that you would tell us in your own time, in your own way. Although I usually disagreed with your politics and your opinions, I respect an individual who speaks out for what he believes without being a loud mouth or a bullshit artist, and I always looked forward to meeting you over a FDC or whatever your favorite beverage. To that end, I was determined that one of the first things I would do upon my arrival in Matagalpa would be to make a trip over the mountain to Jinotega to look you up. In spite of your news, I have not given up on that thought, but because my departure to Nicaragua has been delayed, I guess that may not happen now. Therefore, I raise my glass to you now. May human beings always be able to disagree without trying to kill each other, and perhaps even share what they have in common, while discussing their differences over a drink. You will most definitely be remembered.
Charlie, good spot!
Not being completely stupid yet, no audience = no posts, you will no longer hear me talking about Bush or Iran.
Coincidentally, I have bad health and a house to renovate - 2 sources of new material.
" my favorite material, politics, wasn't on their radar at all.
i voted for politics in that pole! hope that helps.
when government grows, liberty yields, thomas jefferson
A Thought on death and
A song to ease the Passage
I think we stay, until we learn what we came here to learn, complete our spiritual growth at this level...then it's time to go.. Some are faster at this than others...Another journey and you've had many...have no fear..no sadness.. only love.. from all of us and all creation..this time you won't travel alone. We will see you on the other side, Tony
love,
Sue
(Steven Curtis Chapman)
To all the travelers Pilgrims longing for a home From one who walks with you On this journey called life's road It is a long and winding road
From one who's seen the view And dreamt of staying on the mountains high And one who's cried like you Wanting so much just to lay down and die I offer this, we must remember this
We are not home yet We are not home yet Keep on looking ahead Let your heart not forget We are not home yet Not home yet
So close your eyes with me And hear the Father saying, "welcome home" Let us find the strength In all His promises to carry on He said, "I go prepare a place for you" So let us not forget
We are not home yet We are not home yet Keep on looking ahead Let your heart not forget We are not home yet We are not home yet Keep on looking ahead Let your heart not forget We are not home yet
I know there'll be a moment I know there'll be a place Where we will see our Saviour And fall in His embrace So let us not grow weary Or too content to stay 'Cause we are not home yet We are not home yet Not home yet So let us journey on
We are not home yet We are not home yet Keep on looking ahead Let your heart not forget We are not home yet Not home yet
Before It’s To Late:
I Love You Tony.
And thanks for the heads-up, I would’ve regretted a Huehuete Bob-repeat.
- "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun" Katherine Hepburn
ditto
you are in my thoughts and prayers....can't think of a song just yet....but i will give proper attribution out of respect for my elder....
when government grows, liberty yields, thomas jefferson
Death
Its not whether you will die like a nica or a ammerican but to die like a man. You will be in our prayers and I hope to meet you within the next month while im in nica. And what I meen by this is all our crying and complainin meens nothing to death